The observable examined

Kara – Session Two

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It was an interesting evening.  One person discussed how memorials now have a whole new meaning. I added likewise, celebrating birthdays, have taken on a whole deeper significance (what most people take for granted, remembrance of a day someone was born vs marking ” X is still here”). 

The topic shifted to the dilemma around what is to be done with the loved ones belongings , clothes to cars, box of chocolates to trinkets. There was a wide range of responses with consensus being do as you see fit.

Others shared some recent incidents where they felt they had received condescending or even insensitive remarks at social events (how their spouses were not helping and it was tough to manage things etc.,) .

Yet another topic that came up was the emotional maturity of kids post-incident. Some were of the opinion that there was some emotional stunting pegged around the time of the incident. This seemed to manifest mostly in the presence of the surviving parent. I commented that part of it may be due to the lack of  the alternative “go to parent” when there are disagreements or emotional upsets in the parent/child interactions.

The participants also wondered whether accepting offers to help was accompanied by the expectation of reciprocal behavior later (Note that this is the social norm in Western society).  However, the general agreement was that the offers to help were unilateral and if anything it was understood that the “debt” would be paid forward (meaning the receiver would in turn help someone in need, not necessarily the doer, in the future).

I also observed to the group that somedays I was really busy and the day would go by in a blur, but the minute I stopped that activity, thoughts of the loved one, popped right into the mainstream of consciousness, almost like they had been forcibly held down, from taking center stage.

It seemed that the kids had a good time sharing too. One of the facilitators said the theme was happiness and places of comfort (simulated by a large box that the kids could decorate to their choice).

I learned that Berkeley and Stanford do offer camps in Summer for the bereaved kids.


Written by asterix98

February 4, 2011 at 6:50 am

Posted in grief counseling

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