The observable examined

Kara – Session Three

with one comment

We had a new (actually old to Kara) family join us this week.  The general topics of discussion revolved around children, photos and momentos, and general ups and downs. (Wow! I have to remember to try and rephrase this sentence. Three ands in a row. Should be avoidable).

The most striking thing, to me, that came out of the discussions, was the fact that the magnitude of the loss is greatest for the nuclear family, no matter how you slice it. This naturally impacts the time constant of the “moving on” component quite dramatically for the nuclear families compared to extended families (even after completely discounting any self-pity components). 

As an example, one person described how watching a particular video (a commercial cartoon movie) triggered a very emotional response, out of the blue, inspite of it being a few years removed from the loss. Later when they described this to the loved one’s brothers, they were incredulous and commented “I can’t believe you are stilling thinking about this person?”.

I shared that sometimes I permit myself some moments of fun/enjoyment but then there is a sense of guilt that the loved one is not able to do the same. Some others said that they experienced the exact same thing. I was struck by the universality of this human feeling.

The children engaged in expressing their feelings and emotions through colors. They did this for the head and the body. Mahati’s pictures showed a wide spectrum of colors, for both mind and body. She is getting better at expressing those feelings verbally.

I was curious to know if children with siblings discussed the loss amongst themselves. The surprising answer is that they don’t!


Written by asterix98

February 20, 2011 at 7:40 am

Posted in grief counseling

One Response

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  1. I was 17 years old when I lost a person very, very dear to me – it was my grandfather – and due to a combination of circumstances due to which at that time I was not too close to my mother or father, this loss was devastating to me. Luckily at that time we were all living in what was then called a ‘joint family’ and I could see that the loss did not affect my cousins as much. That set the pattern for me to follow and get over the loss pretty quickly.

    Years later when I lost my girlfriend due to a failed love affair i found that I did not have the support of an adequate social structure to help me bear the loss. I was then living as a member (son) of a nuclear family with my father and mother only and as I was not too close to either of them as I have said earlier, I fell into a profound depression. I’m sure if I had an adequate social support like the cousins of a joint family living together, or if I had been able to freely relate all aspects of the case to my parents (by being close to them) much of the suffering could have been avoided.

    Deepak Bellur

    July 15, 2011 at 8:48 am

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