The observable examined

Some observations

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The past couple of weeks have been busy and the pace is likely to pick up moving forward. However, yesterday, on the way to work, the commute was slow because of heavy traffic. In such circumstances, my thoughts usually turn to Lechi. I was feeling a bit guilty for not having her in my thoughts often because I was getting too caught up in work. But does it really matter? The answer is a resounding yes because both Mahati and I continue to miss her a lot.

Unless you are part of the nucleus, the intensity of the loss fades fairly quickly. Outside of the core circle, the gravity of the situation is much diminished. This is fairly apparent as the rest have mostly moved on, busy with their lives, planning their futures, rightly so. But where it becomes really hard is when people outside the nucleus show utter lack of sensitivity to your own needs (whether it is one of privacy, peace and quiet, or access to your own sanctuary) assuming you are also moving on at the same pace.  It is a complex family dynamic.

While Mahati has made progress, leaps and bounds, in dealing with the loss, I see many subtle signs of how she is struggling to make sense of it all. One of her mini obsessions is health. She is worried about every insect bite, she asks me about my age and about others. She volunteered to continue seeing the school pyschologist. She has offered to counsel another child in her situation. On several nights, over the past couple of weeks, at night, she has confessed to being sad. But when I press her for the reason, she attributes it  to something trivial. Also, I have observed her behavior when I am playing and cuddling her baby cousin. She appears to yearn for the same hugging, kissing, and comforting (even though I do hug and kiss her).

My own responses to her needs is definitely a work in progress. Sometimes when she needs me, I notice I am tired or otherwise preoccupied (which I should not be) and may postpone servicing that need. But as they say, knowing what the problem is, makes for half of the solution. So I am working on it.


Written by asterix98

November 1, 2011 at 11:52 am

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